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Mara Jade

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About Mara Jade

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  1. Why does this site play the music of hell bound or already in hell bands, such as Nirvana and Garbage???
  2. A brief parody of one of my favorite novels: Source: David M. Brown takes on Jane Eyre JAME EYRE by Chuck Bronte I was born in 19__ in the town of N__ Y___ C___, in the year of the second inauguration of His Lordship R____d R____n. My parents having been annihilated in the fiery bosom of a subway train wreck but a short time after, or rather just slightly before, my introduction into the world, I was entrusted to the care of an aunt of my father's third cousin who had survived the cataclysm in an adjacent car and thus been able to attend to my father's fitfully gasped last request, a dying wish articulated in the very moment of my emergence, left big toe first, from my mother's now-congealing womb. It could not have been a sanguine childbirth. (Or I should say, it was in one sense, but not in another.) I do not believe that this woman, who was but an indirect relation, and who hardly knew my father except to despise him to such an extent that she even refused to sit in the same train car with him, can have been very pleased to be charged with my care; nor was I, for my part, pleased to play the part of that charge. An orphan sluicing unprotected into a friendless world can make his way, if with difficulty, so long as unmolested and possessive of a modest stipend sufficient to pay each one of his bills. But to be continually battered by bitterness and resentment and petty retaliations of petty relations for the sin of mere birth at the wrong place and time, all in the guise of a just familial care, might abrade even the most naturally ebullient spirit, such as I trust was my own. Certainly I could smile, and even hum in odd moments, when left in the company of only myself. But to be spied thus smiling! To be spied thus humming! Once, I petted the house cat when the bored feline saw fit to stray, as if unconsciously, into my familiar nook; its fur, I recollect, was both smooth and bristly; and these wondrous bristles, as I now realize from the knowledgeable vantage point of maturity, were the individual hairs constituting said fur. I can even remember a time that I whistled while I worked, when the other denizens of the household had yet to return from their regular Friday night movie and french-fry-laden repast. But to smile, to hum, to pet, to whistle, in the presence of these same dear relations? No! I could never partake of any such carefree interlude. The woman, Emily, my guardian, unless that term has meaning, I was banned from calling "Aunt Emily"--and of course could not call her "Momma," any essay at which would have been rebuffed with the greatest contempt and horror. Rather, she must be referred to ever and always as Miss Emily. Her children--for so I shall designate them, despite their true nature as demons in elfin form--these so-called children, my elders by five and six years, were Mr. Bob and Miss Suzy. I cannot say that I feared Miss Suzy, for she scarce recognized my existence; albeit I could be discomfited, at times, by her cold and receding nature. If Miss Suzy was malevolent, it was the inert malevolence of death in ambulatory form, a sad waking oblivion for an otherwise well-appointed young girl attending the very best school in the very best neighborhood of J____y C__y. But fat freckled Mr. Bob was my eternal nemesis; he, bound in silent complicity with Miss Emily; Miss Emily, professing always to perceive matters opposite to their actual manifestation. So that if Mr. Bob, who was both older and stronger than myself, should punch me four times in the stomach and roll me down the stairs, Miss Emily, fortuitously just then issuing from the scullery, would proceed to sharply berate me for denting the polish of the hardwood steps with my importunate bouncing head. To explain that I lacked the motive to injure her hardwood by so painful an expedient, would have availed me naught. Had I produced even a video in evidence, I am sure she would have remonstrated against whichever luckless look-a-like I must have enlisted to enact the role of blameless Mr. Bob. And while Mr. Bob durst not slug me in Miss Emily's actual presence, and thus foil their tacit conspiracy, he did so often enough within her hearing, after which she would rush in, observe the scene, and elaborate and embellish the beating I was getting. I smarted not only at the physical pain of such sequels, but also at their flagrant and deliberate injustice. Vengeance, I vowed, would be mine, if not soon, then eventually. Meanwhile I mopped and did the dishes. For some reason they never let me cook. One day...
  3. I'd love to get a chance to sit down and talk to Conan O'Brien. And if the dead are allowed, I'd like to meet the Bronte sisters, especially Charlotte. They were three of the most courageous and passionate authors that ever lived.
  4. I've been looking forward to this one for some time. Is anyone here lucky enough to live near a scheduled screening and planning to attend it?
  5. SDG wrote: Yeah, that's what I figured from the juxtaposition of the faces of Mary and Satan in the trailer. It's just that making Satan a woman is somewhat unorthodox. And, wow, is that Barbara Nicolosi review encouraging. I can't wait. Peter T Chattaway wrote: Hm, she did have one of the most deceptively pure faces in cinema, so my knowing of her Juliet role didn't really have an impact on my experience of Jesus of Nazareth.
  6. Though I don't particularly like anime more than any other style of film, I did occasionally go to the Anime Club at my old school. (Hey, a free movie once a week, who cares if anyone sees you there?) For some reason we watched more TV shows than movies, so while I don't have any movies to recommend that aren't already mentioned, I do have a short list of the funniest anime shows of all time: Dragon Half -IF. YOU. WATCH. ONLY. ONE. ANIME. THIS. SHOULD. BE. IT. It is the most surreally funny comedy you will ever see. If my memory serves me correctly, this was done while the writer was on LSD. Unfortunately, he got himself arrested before he was able to finish the series, so there are only two episodes. His and Her Circumstances -Yes, though this is a "Be yourself" kind of show, stop your eyes from rolling because it is one of the few shows that explore self-consciousness in high school with any kind of depth. Perfectionism, vanity, and jealousy are some of the topics explored. And I must say that the romance that develops between the two main characters is quite touching. Their love is presented in a very realistic way; it is as much a melding of their brains as it is their hearts. And of course, it's uproariously funny. This is the only film/show aimed at teenagers in which I ever could relate to. Love Hina -I actually haven't seen this one yet, but I've heard countless people claim that it is much funnier than the two shows mentioned above, so add this one to your list.
  7. There's something I'm not understanding here: Why is Satan played by a woman?
  8. This is the funniest thing I've seen on the Internet in MONTHS. Click here.
  9. The first four seasons of "The X-Files" were good, though sometimes I had to discard reason and let my love of atmosphere take over. The fourth season had a few gems that were genuinely funny, like "Small Potatoes": MULDER: But the baby's father is an alien? AMANDA: No, no, I didn't say he was an alien, I said he was from another planet. His name is Luke Skywalker. He's what's known as a Jedi Knight. SCULLY: Did he have a light saber? And anyone that has ever seen an episode of "Late Night with Conan O'Brien" cannot deny that it is high art at its finest. Oh, and what about "The Animaniacs", the best kid show ever?? M. Dale Prins wrote: I have yet to see this show. The WB frightens me.
  10. From news.com.au Man cuts off penis, eats it July 13, 2003 A MALAYSIAN man sliced off his own penis, then fried and ate it after taking hallucinatory pills that caused him to hear voices urging him to mutilate himself, police said today. The 34-year-old man claimed he only realised what he had done when he saw blood oozing from his crotch, said a police spokesman in the town of Sitiawan, 300km north of Kuala Lumpur. The man had taken hallucinatory pills before sleeping on Friday and awoke hearing voices telling him to chop off his penis and devour it, the spokesman said on customary condition of anonymity. He was hospitalised in stable condition, the national news agency Bernama reported. The man had recently been released from a drug rehabilitation centre, Bernama said.
  11. Mara Jade

    Stacey Orrico

    Quick question: I was browsing around a Christian bookstore today and I saw a poster for a singer named Stacey Orrico. Then, just a few minutes ago, I flipped on MTV and saw someone that looked very much like her. Being absolutely uninterested in the current popular music scene, I just wanna know, has an actual Christian singer made it big?
  12. Mara Jade

    Share a joke

    I know all my Harry Potter-related posts are starting to get annoying, but this is the last one, I swear! Check out 345 Ways to Annoy Severus Snape. I haven't laughed so hard in a long time. For those of you who don't like Potter, many of them can be applied to any teacher (or any other person). My favourites: 32. Every lesson, quote things he said last lesson. Word for word. 42. If you're a well-read Ravenclaw, bring large piles of books to class, and verify anything he states. Loudly. (ie: 'He's right you know! or 'He's done it again!') 16. Leave him invitations to Sirius Black's 'birthday party at the whomping willow' 23. Introduce him with the words "Here is a man who not only has a brilliant mind and a wonderful wit, but can also sing.' 73. Ask him if he knows who Alan Rickman is. 93. Make a habit out of grabbing Harry Potter and dragging him into Snape's office by his ears, crying 'Here he is Sir! I've got him!' 104. Offer to 'bewitch his mind and ensnare his senses.' 120. Should he ever sarcastically enquire if you would like a detention, hold up a hand and say 'I will not be swayed by your sweet words of temptation!' 124. 'Forget healing potions, Sir! Lets bottle some fame!' 129. Launch into a hearty rendition of the B-52s 'Love Shack' anytime he needs to go anywhere near Hagrid's hut. 135. Ask him at what age his hair 'lost it's natural lustre and shine?' 138. Let him catch you pretending your wand is a light-sabre. Ask him if he wants to be Obi-Wan or Han Solo. Offer to show him how to make the correct 'sabre-sounds'. 140. Ask when he's 'gonna get to the brewing glory part?' 158. Weep openly when he gives you detention. 168. For the duration of each meal, jump out of your seat at random moments, dash up to the high table and ask if he wants anything on that, waving condiments madly. 176. Ask him everyday if he'll show you 'that stopper-in-death trick, that sounded neat.' 190. Approach. Kneel. Propose. Run. 195. 'Prozac, sir?' 198. Lie down in puddles and beg him to step on you rather than get his feet soggy. 213. Sigh loudly whenever he walks away from you. 215. Tell him to pick on somebody his own size. Stand on your tiptoes and suggest yourself. 216. Run into his quarters excitedly, grab him and drag him outside. Point at a cloud that you insist 'looks JUST like you sir!'. 230. As he stalks by, enquire loudly of your friends if he 'isn't just the cutest little thing you ever did see?' 278. Owl him (anonymously) random articles from a Muggle publication known as 'The Enquirer' Attach notes to them stating that he should 'study these carefully. They contain clues.' 286. At the end of each potions class, leave him a 'report card' detailing how you think he did that lesson. Comments like 'has potential' 'adequate' and 'moderately intimidating' are perfect. 289. Greet him for the first time each day with the warning 'You stay out of my dreams, you master of temptation, you!
  13. UK Reuters POTTER MAGIC SETS HOUSE ABLAZE MADRID (Reuters) - A woman has set her Madrid home on fire while cooking up a potion in an attempt to imitate the fictional wizard Harry Potter, emergency services say. The 21-year-old was rescued by firemen and treated for minor injuries, but half her home was destroyed. The ambulance service said she had told them she was trying to emulate the boy magician, hero of the books by J K Rowling that have been a sensation among adults and children alike. For want of more magical ingredients, the woman cooked up a potion of water, oil, alcohol and toothpaste, local media reported on Wednesday. It was unclear what spell she was trying to weave.
  14. Spotted on an Episcopal Church sign this afternoon: Weather Forecast: The Son is Risen Hardly original, eh?
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