Jump to content
SDG

Things kids say

Recommended Posts

opus   

Simon loves Bob the Builder. Which explains this recent conversation with my wife:

Simon (as Bob): Wendy, come see my tower.

Renae (as Wendy): I will, Bob, but I am doing something.

Simon: No, now!

Renae: I have to finish my job.

Simon: You on site, Wendy?

Renae: Yep.

Simon: Oh, OK.

Also, he's become quite the taskmaster. Whenever I tell him that I'm going to work, he tells me to work real hard and earn lots of money for "mommy and me." And according to him, my job is "typing websites", which isn't too far off, actually.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Darren H   

Jason, Simon's choo-choo song would fit perfectly on any Mountain Goats album.

Also, my daughter has learned to clap her hands, which is THE MOST AMAZING THING I'VE EVER SEEN.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
MattPage   

Nina, entirely out of the blue:

"Jesus doesn't have a bottom".

Um?

(Bottom is a Brit word for ass in case that doesn't translate well).

Matt

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
mrmando   

Sarah: Sebastian, look at the rainbow!

Sebastian: The sky is laughing.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I thought Bottom WAS an ass, at least in that Shakespeare play...

My daughter (she's 4, turns 5 next month) doesn't like wearing pants but knows that she has to when we have guests over. So, three days ago, after the last of our son's behavioural interventionists for the day said her goodbyes, my daughter took her pants off again and put them in the laundry and then began to explain to me that "Some people don't like to wear pants." (She makes a lot of "Some people" declarations these days.) And then she added, in a melancholy tone: "Sometimes pants are not my favorite thing in the world." Maybe you had to be there, but I had never heard her use that expression before, and I thought the moment was priceless. (I almost Facebooked it, but the last few days have been sooooo busy.)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Persona   

I once had a t-shirt idea with a picture of Jesus riding a donkey. Caption would have read, "Get Your ASS to CHURCH!"

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Tyler   

I once had a t-shirt idea with a picture of Jesus riding a donkey. Caption would have read, "Get Your ASS to CHURCH!"

"Best" shirt I saw when I worked at Kohl's: Girls Can Do Anything Boys Can Do Better.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
yank_eh   

Oh man. I wish I knew about this thread much sooner! My daughter Magnolia's aphorisms, witticisms and verbal blunders have almost completely taken over my facebook status updates. I'll relocate some of them here.

She's two (almost three), by the way.

From tonight:

"Papa, remember, tomatoes hurt my lips so I have to put chopsticks [chapstick] on them."

+++

Also, my favorite name of a stuffed animal, christened by Magnolia: "Little-Not-Eating-Bear." Who can be seen in the deleted scenes of Dances With Wolves. He's a small plush polar bear. With no teeth.

+++

Said recently to her sister:

"Kaleia, give me your music. It's not music time; it's valen-time." -Magnolia (2)

+++

After satisfying Great Grandma's query as to how many boys and girls were around the extended family dinner table the other night, Magnolia informed the group: "Girls have 'ginas and bums. Boys have penises and bums."

Just in case any of y'all were still confused about that.

Edited by yank_eh

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
yank_eh   

With Magnolia's third birthday coming up, my wife asked her what she would like to do for her party. I had my laptop and was able to transcribe much of her response, though I missed the beginning and didn't have the endurance to see it through all the way to the end. Actually, I think we cut her off in order to eat dinner.

Question marks at the end of sentences usually indicate her voice going up in pitch, in a quasi-questioning way, if that makes sense. I hope you can imagine it.

"We should run in the house. And let's jump too. And let's walk. And make some dinner in my kitchen.

"Can I have a frog cake?

"Maybe let's read books and do dominoes and then let's do jumping on the bed... with the monkeys. And let's play with the penguins in there. And maybe let's close our eyes and do praying for my birthday. Clara, Madeleine, and Keely and Kaleia and Papa and Mama and me and we’re gonna have a party in the tent. Because were gonna have lots of things in there.

"And maybe lets talk about penguins and maybe lets do that puzzle for my birthday. hmmm and maybe lets eat food in my kitchen? And when we’re done praying, let’s stand up and do our jumping? all of us do the hands game! yeah!!

"And lets do this: <claps hands>.

Me: "clapping?"

Magnolia, again: "Clapping. All of us. All of us going to clap. And maybe lets jump like frogs...

"And lets ring around the rosie and hold our hands and ring around the rosie. and hold hands and pocket full of rosie. and maybe lets dance like penguins. and maybe lets carry some bags and some purses? We’ll be under tables hiding. and let’s count to ten... and let’s talk about wax and let’s eat peppers when I make peppers in my kitchen and let’s do this <puts hands on head> and let’s do this <puts hands behind back> and let’s do this <puts hands on thighs> and let’s sing patty cake. Wobble wobble wobble.... <wobbles arms>... wobble like a penguin.

Let’s be cheetahs. Let's be cats. Let's be kittens. Let's be dogs. Let's be eyes. Let's be hands. Let's be frogs. Let’s be snakes. Let's be parrots. Let's be leaf. Let's be spiky things. Let’s be mushrooms. Let’s be towels. Let’s wash hands... in the sink in the kitchen, and let’s lay on pillows and go nigh night. And let’s bounce. Bounce 10 times: 1, 2, 345678910. Madeleine, clara, and Keely and Papa and Mama and Kaleia and the penguins and monkeys in my rooOM?

Jump like that with frogs <puts hands on chair between legs.>

And let’s get owls and eat all the bugs with the animals. Let’s be dinosaurs too. Let’s be dragons too. And move our hairs-- heads with hairs <shakes head> and put our arms out <puts arms out>...

Edited by yank_eh

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
yank_eh   

Sitting in the Haggen [grocery store] cafeteria across the booth from Magnolia (2.75) she occasionally gets excited and kicks. My knees happen to be occupying the space she is intending to kick so I say "ow" and explain to her that she is causing me pain. This happens several times.

Nearing the end of our meal I turn to clean Kaleia (1.25), who is in her car seat on the table. Magnolia is done eating and has turned sideways, facing out of the booth, and starts muttering to herself. As I wipe Kaleia's face off I hear Mags scolding, "nuh uh," then I feel a kick, followed by an emphatic "nuh uh!"

I turn to give her the stink eye but she is already facing away from me again.

"Maggie, what are you doing?"

"I'm talking to my legs."

Edited by yank_eh

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
yank_eh   

Magnolia (2.75), as we are about to pull out the driveway: "Papa, what's that?"

I look back at her in her car seat to see where she is looking: up through the sun roof.

"The sun? Magnolia, please don't look right at the--"

"Why is the sky red?"

<nervous, concerned laughter>

"Papa, why is the driveway all red??!"

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

While in Chicago on business, I called home at bedtime. My wife was putting the kids to bed, and put me on speaker. Eric, 3, bounces on the bed.

ME: Goodnight, Eric. I love you.

MOMMY: Tell daddy "good night".

ERIC: Good night, stupid dad.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
opus   

Simon's vocabulary is growing by leaps and bounds these days, which means that a lot of what he says doesn't always make sense, but it's often humorous. Take, for instance, this recent exchange with Renae:

I'm frusterated because you told me to go upstairs and get my socks, and I asked you I will not. I losing my patience.

And yes, he really does say "frusterated" (note the extra syllable). He also loves hambaburgers. Who knew extra syllables could be so cute?

Also, Simon's become rather fascinated with what happens when people get older. He now knows that when he gets older, he'll become a daddy, but only after he meets a "pretty lady". And when he becomes a daddy, I'll become a grandpa. And of course, there's always potty-training:

Simon: Mommy, do you pee standing up?

Renae: No, I don't.

Simon: Well, when you get older, you'll be a daddy and then you pee standing up!

Edited by opus

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
opus   

Me, after cleaning up the living room: Simon, I'm pooped.

Simon: Daddy, you go poop in your pants?

Maybe it was the way he said it, with such seriousness and earnestness, but it just about killed me.

Edited by opus

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Thom   

I have two boys (now 6 and 8 y.o.). I have always wanted a home filled with experimentation, exploration, and music. A best case scenario would be a controlled environment but I am willing to see how it all unfolds. Anyway, we decided that when each boy turned 5 (a milestone birthday) we would give them the instrument they are most interested in. When our oldest turned 5 he got a full jr. size drum set. When our next turned 5 he received a 3/4 scale fender strat, amp included - complete with "crunch" distortion.

They recently began to "jam" together and now want to start a band. The other night we were out at a nearby pub for dinner where they discussed their future musical plans.

Dad: "The jamming sounds good. How's the band going?"

Jude (8): "It's good."

Mom: "What are you naming the band?"

Jude: "The Bloody Ooze..."

Eden (6): "No. No. Bloody 'ell!! Like Ron always says in Harry Potter."

So, for the next 10 minutes they sang "We are Bloody Hell" to the tune of "Iron Man." My thanks goes out to Harry Potter and Guitar Hero.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
opus   

So, for the next 10 minutes they sang "We are Bloody Hell" to the tune of "Iron Man." My thanks goes out to Harry Potter and Guitar Hero.

::headbang::

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
SDG   
Eden (6): "No. No. Bloody 'ell!! Like Ron always says in Harry Potter."

And like the first line to the chorus in Blues Traveler's "Runaround" ... in my dream. ("Bloody 'ell ... why you wanna give me the runaround?") Maybe your kids' band should do a cover.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
SDG   

A few Sundays ago, in Mass, during the opening dialogue of the Anaphora ("Lift up your hearts ... We lift them up to the Lord"), little Nathan, who is four, stood copying my posture: hands held together at chest level, palms upright in a gesture of offering and supplication.

Then he turned to me and whispered confidentially, "I wish I was really holding my heart!"

This was actually very cool theologically because this exchange is liturgically a lot more significant than many people realize.(The sursum corda (Latin for "Up hearts!"), coming at the beginning of the Eucharistic prayer, represents the mystical elevation into the realm of heavenly worship where we "join our voices with angels and archangels," etc.)

Then, at the consecration itself, Nathan jerked upright and looked toward the altar with wide eyes, blurting out loud, "Jesus!" Which meant that I was first hastily shushing him and then immediately trying to praise and reinforce both his insight and his enthusiasm.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
opus   

Sometimes Simon, who is three years old, suddenly wants to pray whenever I say it's time to pray for our meal. It's usually some variation of the Lord's prayer. He never gets it right -- he usually ends up repeating three or four sections of the prayer (e.g., "hallowed be Thy name", "Deliver us from evil") several times before happily announcing "amen". It's the cutest thing, and I always want to record it. I don't suppose that'd be blasphemous or anything, would it?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Thom   

After kindergarten today my guy says to me, "Hey Dad, do you know that song 'Hosanna'? The one about the banjo on the knee."

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
SDG   

When Boys and Girls Play Together:

Catie (2 1/2), trying to get into the spirit of the boys' play: "I ... am ... a ... zombie! ... (to Anna) Would you be the mama zombie?"

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×