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Thom Wade

Catwoman

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That it looks hideously bad...anyone notice they literally stole the plot of another comic book film?

See, in Catwoman, sometimes, when a person dies unjustly a crow can-uh, I mean a CAT can bring them back to make things right. Apparently Berry avoided getting killed on the set though.

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Did you see that clip from Oprah's show, where Halle appeared in her Catwoman get-up, complete with whip? It was absolutely hideous. Seriously, you'd think that with that many people involved in the film's production, at least one or two would've expressed some doubts by now. Hollywood people can't be that irrational, can they? Part of me hopes that it's all just an elaborate ruse, a marketing decoy meant to divert our attention from the real, much cooler Catwoman film - if only for the sakes of the careers of everyone involved.

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Well, this summer we're following up a candidate for Best Comic Book Film of All Time with a prime candidate for Worst Comic Book Film of All Time.

I knew Catwoman was gonna be bad, but I had no idea HOW bad.

Acting- awful.

Script- my ears are bleeding.

Special effects- like a demo for a Playstation game, totally unconvincing.

Story- Story? What story?

Romance- Benjamin Bratt should turn in his badge, his cop is so irresponsible and stupid. He and Patience Phillips (yes, that's Catwoman's real name in this film) deserve each other, they're both so immoral and irresponsible.

And it's TWO HOURS LONG, two hours that feel like four.

Haven't handed out an F since Dreamcatcher, but here it comes...

F.

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Yikes. Well, hopefully this doesn't bode too ill for other DC-based films that are being made with the participation of an alumnus from the X-Men movies!

Jeffrey Overstreet wrote:

: . . . Patience Phillips (yes, that's Catwoman's real name in this film) . . .

BTW, what's up with this? The "real" Catwoman's name is Selina Kyle, and that was also the name that Michelle Pfeiffer's character had in Batman Returns (1992). (I don't know if Julie Newmar's character in the 1960s TV series was ever given a "real" name.)

: Haven't handed out an F since Dreamcatcher, but here it comes...

Hmmm, and that, too, was a Warner Brothers film ...

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This film takes the approach that Selina Kyle was just one of many Catwomen who were blessed by the magical bad breath of an Egyptian cat who wanders around and chooses women who need to get in touch with their, uh, more ferocious selves. (Kyle is never mentioned, but the film's prologue is basically a way of explaining away this film's lack of connection with her.) Patience Phillips is just the latest, and her catwoman guru is played by Frances Conroy of Six Feet Under, in the ONLY performance in the film that seems to approach the subject as "camp." If the rest of the film had been treated as camp, it might have been a wee bit enjoyable.

Women are docile... yet AGGRESSIVE... nurturing... yet FEROCIOUS. That's what the guru tells us...

And yet, the film shows absolutely ZERO amount of "nurturing." Where Spidey's slogan is "with great power comes great responsibility," Catwoman's is: "You've been caged, but now you've found freedom, and with freedom comes power." Once Patience becomes Catwoman, she's not even a crime-fighter... she's just a mean, vengeful, rather amoral character that we are, for some strange reason, supposed to care about while she breaks laws, lies to lovers, and thrusts her bosom at anybody in her path.

The film was written by a team of men, who clearly want repressed women to believe that their liberation involves fulfilling the sexual fantasies of certain twisted men.

This film makes Daredevil look like a masterpiece.

The big line at the end: "Well, I may not be a hero, but I'm certainly not a killer."

Wow. Bravo.

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Not saying this would have made a better film, but Cat-woman didn't really become a "Crime-Fighter" until recently in the comic books. She was always one of Batman's villians, allbeit one with a heart of gold. She wasn't bad, just greedy.

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I'm glad that the film at least admitted she's no hero. But she's no villain either. She's just STUPID... and returns the mean behavior she receives. Since the cops are portrayed as useless (except in the bedroom when you can manipulate them into sleeping with you), there's no law and order to be found in this world.

Oh, and regarding your question, Peter... no, I'll have a LOT more fun reviewing this film than I would have had reviewing Cinderella Story. A spectacular car wreck is a more interesting subject than a bland fizzle anyday. (And yet, your review of the bland fizzle was very well written.)

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I'll play too!

I HATE CATWOMAN. i have always hated her. I don't need to see her STUPID movie, either, to hate her all the same. I honestly think Josie and the Pussycats could beat her up, that's how lame of a super-whatever she really is. I would love to see a guy named Dogman bite her on the calf. He would be my favorite super-hero of all time. Is it unChristian to hate a fictitious whatever-she-is this much?

And hear me, Warner Bros/DC, hear me ROAR -- NO MORE SUFFIXES -MAN or -WOMAN attached to our superheroes anymore! Find some words, people! Get original. Consult a Thesaurus for crying out loud. You'd think the company was being run by mutant six year olds.

-s.

Edited by stef

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Stef,

If she was a doll, would you put pins in her eyes?

Sincerely,

Jeffrey

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Ginsu knives. And i'd still be a Christian cuz she'd still only be a doll.

-s.

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We're just getting warmed up here, people.

Do you know what Catwoman really is? An excuse for single 40 year-old men to see Halle Berry in a black leather suit.

This is the STUPIDEST marketing ever, showing us ever-so-clearly how dumb the people that made this film think we are. Including Halle Berry -- she must think we are so STUPIT!! It's not like their aren't other roles out there for her to play. We don't need it, we don't want it, and in the words of Twisted Sister, "We're not gonna take it!!!!!"

user posted image

-s.

PS I am tempted to see this film just to review it somewhere so that Jeffrey can have a good laugh and quote me in his weekly column. But do i really need attention that much? I don't think so. It ain't worth three MEOWs.

Edited by stef

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I'd take Animala from The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra over Catwoman anytime.

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I REFUSE TO SEE THIS FILM. Why? Because, unlike Stef, I actually really like Catwoman.

Selina Kyle is one of the most interesting and best characters in the Batman mythos, especially in the last ten years. Selina has no super powers, she is in essence a character like Batman, whose dark past (Selina is a former prostitute; see Frank Miller's excellent Batman: Year One) has led her to do some things that she's not proud of (basically becoming a cat-burglar; hence the moniker "Catwoman"). But at heart Selina is a good person, who defends the weaker, and has developed an interesting relationship with Bruce/Batman. At least Batman Returns treated her with some respect.

The reason I WON'T SEE the movie? It completely disrespects the character, and her entire history in the comics, TV show, anything. Why would I care to see Halle Berry, play some retarded character named Patience Phillips, who doesn't live in Gotham City, in a stupid rip-off of The Crow.

I don't want to stick pins in the real Catwoman's eyes, but I think there should be some sort of punishment for the execs, and Halle Berry, for allowing and encouraging this kind of crap to be made.

I nominate Stef to come up with appropriate measures for these people.

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The reason I WON'T SEE the movie? It completely disrespects the character, and her entire history in the comics, TV show, anything.

Hmmm. I'm not sure I could agree with this.... If Peter Parker's spider bites another guy, and he becomes another spider-man... and he gets a story of his own... does that disrespect the original Spider-Man?

But on a more general note, this is a film that disrespects any standard of decency, so I'm not going to spend time defending the film's premise or any other aspect of it...

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Unlike Stef, I actually really like Catwoman.

Go figure. Who the heck coulda seen that one coming? tongue.gif

I don't want to stick pins in the real Catwoman's eyes...

Oh Anders. You still don't get it. After all this time, i am so disappointed in you. We don't stick pins in any real person's eyes -- that would be against the law, young man. We do however like to pretend people are dolls, and then we stab the dollie in the eye. Although in the case of a Catwoman, common sense tells us that we might instead want to stick tape in-between her ears on the top of her head, or on her paws and then throw her on a linoleum floor. Or we could slip her into a pillow case and twirl it round and round and round and round. Or we could put anti-freeze in her feeding dish. (Catwomen love anti-freeze. And, it kills them too!!)

Of course you understand that we are only talking about a doll of a Catwoman here, and not the real thing.

I nominate Stef to come up with appropriate measures for these people.

No way. I'm a pacifist, i don't believe in your so-called "appropriate measures." Shame on you, Anders. Shame - on - You.

-s.

Edited by stef

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We're just getting warmed up here, people.

Do you know what Catwoman really is?  An excuse for single 40 year-old men to see Halle Berry in a black leather suit.

Oh please.

I am sure there are plenty of men under forty who will see it so they can see Berry in a black leather suit. smile.gif

Edited by Nezpop

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I REFUSE TO SEE THIS FILM. Why? Because, unlike Stef, I actually really like Catwoman.

Selina Kyle is one of the most interesting and best characters in the Batman mythos, especially in the last ten years. Selina has no super powers, she is in essence a character like Batman, whose dark past (Selina is a former prostitute; see Frank Miller's excellent Batman: Year One) has led her to do some things that she's not proud of (basically becoming a cat-burglar; hence the moniker "Catwoman"). But at heart Selina is a good person, who defends the weaker, and has developed an interesting relationship with Bruce/Batman.

And in the last Catwoman comic, she removed the pressing question of "Is Bruce Wayne a virgin?"

I'm pretty much in the same boat with Anders. She's been a very interesting character for Batman. When I saw the trailer to this before Spider-man 2, I leaned over to my uncle and said "This is what happens when you DON'T read the comic book before writing the script."

Oh, and Nezpop, Halle Berry in a catsuit? Apparently no one has watched Swordfish or Monster's Ball... wink.giftongue.gif

Edited by Clint M

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Jeffrey Overstreet wrote:

: If Peter Parker's spider bites another guy, and he becomes another spider-man...

: and he gets a story of his own... does that disrespect the original Spider-Man?

I'm not sure the analogy works, since it sounds like the Catwoman of this film is a supernatural kind of figure, whereas the Catwoman of the comics definitely is not -- she's no more supernatural (or even super-powered) than Batman is.

Clint M wrote:

: And in the last Catwoman comic, she removed the pressing question of "Is Bruce

: Wayne a virgin?"

Say what? Not only did Bruce Wayne have his way with Vicki Vale in Tim Burton's first film, and not only was there a sexual subplot so substantial to Mask of the Phantasm that one local critic dubbed the cartoon Batman Gets Laid, but the Batman of the comics has, himself, long been a sexually active figure himself -- has everyone forgotten Son of the Demon (1987) and Bride of the Demon (1990), two graphic novels in which Batman gets it on with Ra's al Ghul's daughter Talia, or Batman's early-1970s affair with Silver St. Cloud (who discovered his true identity because, well, she'd slept with Bruce Wayne, and she recognized that chin that pokes out from under Batman's cowl)?

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I don't know if this signifies as a cry for help or not, but I had a dream about Catwoman the other night. Something along the lines of I had to finish watching the movie, or else I couldn't vote. My memory is a bit hazy - I don't remember dreams very often, or very well - but I seem to recall that I found it absolutely, sadistically hilarious.

Although in the case of a Catwoman, common sense tells us that we might instead want to stick tape in-between her ears on the top of her head, or on her paws and then throw her on a linoleum floor.  Or we could slip her into a pillow case and twirl it round and round and round and round.  Or we could put anti-freeze in her feeding dish.  (Catwomen love anti-freeze.  And, it kills them too!!)

Also, if you tie a piece of string around their midsection, they can only take 2 or 3 steps before keeling over.

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Although in the case of a Catwoman, common sense tells us that we might instead want to stick tape in-between her ears on the top of her head, or on her paws and then throw her on a linoleum floor.
Edited by Diane

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Well, the string bit doesn't hurt them... it just makes it so they can't walk. And you don't even have to tie it very tight at all. However, Stef's suggestions are definitely worth being concerned about. He's sick, sick I tell you! tongue.gif

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Jeffrey Overstreet wrote:

: If Peter Parker's spider bites another guy, and he becomes another spider-man...

: and he gets a story of his own... does that disrespect the original Spider-Man?

I'm not sure the analogy works, since it sounds like the Catwoman of this film is a supernatural kind of figure, whereas the Catwoman of the comics definitely is not -- she's no more supernatural (or even super-powered) than Batman is.

Clint M wrote:

: And in the last Catwoman comic, she removed the pressing question of "Is Bruce

: Wayne a virgin?"

Say what? Not only did Bruce Wayne have his way with Vicki Vale in Tim Burton's first film, and not only was there a sexual subplot so substantial to Mask of the Phantasm that one local critic dubbed the cartoon Batman Gets Laid, but the Batman of the comics has, himself, long been a sexually active figure himself -- has everyone forgotten Son of the Demon (1987) and Bride of the Demon (1990), two graphic novels in which Batman gets it on with Ra's al Ghul's daughter Talia, or Batman's early-1970s affair with Silver St. Cloud (who discovered his true identity because, well, she'd slept with Bruce Wayne, and she recognized that chin that pokes out from under Batman's cowl)?

Yes, but the whole Crisis on Indefinent Earths storyline in the mid-80's rebooted all of the mythologies, didn't it?

(Given I'd not read many 70's Batman comics - I had forgotten about Ms. Cloud and Talia.)

I only brought that up as a thread on the DC Comics Board had that very question. I think a couple of other females were mentioned, but I forgot who.

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Oh, and Nezpop, Halle Berry in a catsuit? Apparently no one has watched Swordfish or Monster's Ball... wink.giftongue.gif

Or Die Another Day, or the 1986 Miss USA pageant...

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Clint M wrote:

: Yes, but the whole Crisis on Indefinent Earths storyline in the mid-80's . . .

That's Infinite. smile.gif And yeah, that was in 1985 or thereabouts.

: . . . rebooted all of the mythologies, didn't it?

Not necessarily. Certain characters, like Superman and Wonder Woman, were definitely started over from scratch, to the point where DC even began numbering the issues starting at #1 again. But Batman largely avoided that -- DC had Frank Miller redefine the character's origins slightly, with Batman: Year One, and they followed that up with a Year Two (and then, some time later, with a Year Three, which, IIRC, tied the origins of the original Robin to the origins of Robin III), but there was never any wholesale rebooting. And anyway, those Demon graphic novels came out AFTER Crisis on Infinite Earths.

Edited by Peter T Chattaway

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