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Ron Reed

Post Derby Tampering Suspected

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Okay, I'm about to reveal new levels of patheticness. Patheticity. Whatever.

MattPage and DanBuck are both pathetic, because they keep an eye on who has the most total posts, and will frequently lord it over another humble poster who doesn't bother himself with such vain and frivial pursuits (fruitless + trivial = frivial) whose total posts tally they just passed.

Sadly, they succeeded in drawing even me into their sick and immature little game. Indeed, my levels of compravity (compulsiveness + depravity = compravity) - and, some will say, complicity - have now almost equalled theirs.

At this moment in time, I wish to step forward and acknowledge that, since October 23, 2004, I have on occasion made note of the total post numbers of our more active posters - our poster boys, if you will - to monitor the progress of this absurd and petty one-uppersonship.

So imagine my horror when,

having passed 2000 total posts a few minutes ago,

(contents concealed to preserve humility rating), I decided to update the chart which is my pride and shame. Only to learn...

SOMEBODY'S BEEN TAMPERING WITH THE RESULTS!!!!!!

Since September 15 our frontrunner, PTC has posted only 267 times. Which struck me as fishy, as that would normally be his daily total: why so sparse in the last 72 days? Okay, his wife is in the hospital and he's had a lot of assignments, but still....

Number Two is Jeffrey Overstreet. Who swore, back in August, that he wouldn't be posting any more, merely dropping by occasionally to see what's what. So how did he manage to leap from third place to second, past The Domain Lord, AlanT? Fishier and fishier....

Alan currently ranks #3. Odd. So I check his position in mid-September, and he has posted NEGATIVE 156 TIMES in the past two and a half months. Sep15 total: 4750. Nov 26 total: 4594.

So here are the post tallies between Sep 15 and Nov 26 for the folks who were the Top Ten posters last time up;

PTC 267

Overstreet 8

Alan -156

SDG 100

MattPage 57

Ron 242

stef -34

DanBuck -37

Darrel -34

Christian 99

Suspicion would normally fall upon Alan, as the only one in these parts with access to the means to perpetrate such tampering. But a simple glance at the results of this tampering clearly shifts the blame onto Jeffrey: perhaps no one changed the locks after he departed from his Administrator position, and he crept back in the middle of the cyber night to commit this dastardly tampering, believing he would go unnoticed. Apparently he underestimated the vigilance of... Listmaster Extraordinaire!

An alternative theory exists, that it is in fact Mr T who has perpetrated this deed. Perhaps his wife or employer learned of the secret A&F site, and began monitoring posting rates in just the manner I have. Alan, learning of this fact, quickly altered the totals to fool his Significant Other (marital or vocational) into believing not only that he wasn't spending too much time on the site, but that the site was actually adding time to more valuable pursuits, as he negative posted literally hundreds of times.

All this is merest conjecture, of course, and the Good Citizens of A&Fland hereby demand a full and open investigation into this matter, which affects the credibility, indeed the entire future of our community, heretofore above reproach in all matters.

And may I just point out the obvious consequence if action is not taken, and present trends are allowed to continue? I will pass Alan in a mere 469 days, on or about Saturday March 10 2007, and become the Official Number Two Poster at A&F.

This cannot be allowed to happen. Powers That Be: please take into account these sobering consequences, which will occur if Something Is Not Done.

Signed,

A concerned citizen

Edited by Ron

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Number Two is Jeffrey Overstreet. Who swore, back in August, that he wouldn't be posting any more, merely dropping by occasionally to see what's what. So how did he manage to leap from third place to second, past The Domain Lord, AlanT? Fishier and fishier....

For the record, I credit my promise-breaking return to several things:

1) Tempers cooling down here, civility and stability returning (if tenuously) for a good while now

2) Increasing time for board posting thanks to the increasing number of places in my daily stops where I can access the board (and now, thanks to wifi)

3) Increasing friendships and relationships in-person with some folks on the board, so now I'm among more good friends than I used to be

4) A significant change in my day-job that makes it far easier than it used to be for me to take a breather and check in on the board

5) A selfish reason: Increasing opportunities to publish make me want to keep in touch with all of you because our conversations will help inform the writing I do for my assignments. Yes, that's right... I'm USING you!

6) A deeply rooted drive to RULE THE WORLD.

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I as well noted this with Ken on his page (who is the only person on this board who has his own entire thread). I had just noticed that I lost at least a hundred and my tally quit increasing. It makes no difference to me, but I want to be there as a witness for people for whom it does matter.

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Well, I think Ebert has his own thread.

Heck, Ebert has his own watch.

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I have a sneaky suspiscion that Alan has employed a "content detector" on his post counter. Which would explain the enormous drop off in my total.

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The "board" goes through and recounts everyone's posts.

You know, that would have been perfectly clear if it had read, "The board goes through and recounts everyone's posts," but those quotation marks around "board" really throw me off.

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So what you're saying is that this is *institutional* corruption, rather than just a few bad apples?

I hope you pay your Republican Guard well and regularly....

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I smell a rat.

Who stands to benefit the most from the alterations above? Well in that suspicious period, Chattaway and Reed have almost 150 more posts than anyone else, leaving two potential suspects. But Chattaway already sits top of the tree and so his tampering would profit him not. Reed, however, has climbed superlatively from the verge of top 10 extinction only a few months ago, which at the time he claimed was down to his "book writing sabatical", but has mysteriously leapfrogged to number 6 at the same time.

However, realising that Ken had smelt a rat, he came up with a dastardly cover-up plan. Pretend not to have seen Ken's post and call foul himself. After all who would suspect him after he had exposed the fraud. An elaborate bluff. But not to elaborate for a true son of her majesty's homeland. It's always the one you least expect.

Of course this exposes the existence of a loop hole the in "the system" which Reed must have cunningly uncovered, but, such is the diabolical genius of the man he realised that Alan would be so horified to discover a crack in the veneer of system infalibility he had worked so hard to create and maintain. And he figured that rather than admit his own culpability Alan would come up with some clever sounding technical mumbo jumbo to preserve the facade. And poor old Alan bought it hook, line, sinker and November's Angling Monthly.

A devilishly brilliant plan, which would have seen him crack into the top 5 sooner or later, replacing far more valuable and appreciated members of the board. Thankfully someone was able to see through his dispicable scheme and expose his cramperings (criminal tamperings).

I wouldn't consider for a moment that I should get a reward for exposing him and cracking the case - heck no, and certainly not that I should have my post tally extended by as many bonus posts as it takes me to get past SDG. No I'm just here to serve the good people of A&F city.

Matt "Sherlock" Page

Edited by MattPage

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I suggest that we make an A&F Investigation Committee to uncover the truth about this stuff, or at least to sit around and find someone to blame. It'd be strictly bipartisan, of course, and we could summon Matt and Dan to testify. biggrin.gif

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Is there are award for BEST NEOLOGISM?

"cramperings" laugh.gif

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I think I owe it to Ron to comment approvingly on his creative language skills:

frivial & compravity

Brilliant, Ron. I hereby comment approvingly. (And add one new post to my own total. Until such time as the "board" decides compravitous and frivial post such as this ought to be discounted, at which time it will likely reduced my tally by 3 by way of retribution. Or should I say, reductribution?)

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I think the first task of the new moderating team should be to go through and hand count posts in all fora and give us a rundown not only of the arts related posts included in our "total", but all the posts we each have. That could be more fun than a Florida recount. smiley-poker.gif

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MattPage is paranoid and self-interested.

Tim Willson is perspicacious and discerning.

And yes, Ken, it is most definitely Doug's fault.

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Way to go, Ken. Now the verb "to morefield" also means "to cause the exclusion of something from a list on account of a deficiency of one of the listmakers."

Edited by MLeary

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