24 replies to this topic

[Sara]

This grew out of the topic for the film Ikiru. (Someone help me link it, as I don't know how.)

What are some of your most repugnant or hilarious thoughts for remakes for some of the world's best films?

I mentioned on the above thread of Ikiru, "The Wizard of Oz," with Barbra Streisand, "The Bridge on the River Kwai" with Tom Cruise, and "Brief Encounter" with Madonna and Arnold the Terminator.

What will you come up with?

Sara

[SDG]

(FWIW, while I would not like to see a remake of The Wizard of Oz by anyone, I think I would be interested in a new, more faithful adaptation of the Baum book.)

Lessee, I think this game will be more fun if we come up with proposals that actually have some prima facie plausbility, in the sense that someone in Hollywood could conceivably be wrong-headed enough to green-light it. Sort of the "uncanny valley" effect, you know? The more it seems like it could be a real movie, the worse of an idea it is.

IOW, you don't get shivers down your spine shooting fish in a barrel with examples like Citizen Kane with Pauly Shore, or Spartacus with The Rock.

But, hm now, how about...

• The Searchers (or Shane) with... Kevin Costner?
• Charade with... Harrison Ford and Jessica Alba?
• Lawrence of Arabia with... Val Kilmer?
• Fiddler on the Roof with... Bob Hoskins?
• Peter Pan with... Orlando Bloom?
• A Man for All Seasons with... Charlton Heston? (oops)

The possibilities are endless!

Edited by SDG, 24 October 2005 - 03:06 PM.

[Peter T Chattaway]

SDG wrote:
: Charade with... Harrison Ford and Jessica Alba?

What, Mark Wahlberg and Thandie Newton weren't bad enough for you?

[Sara]

How about "All About Eve" with Meryl Streep and Niclole Kidman?

Sara

Edited by Sara, 24 October 2005 - 03:40 PM.

[Crow]

The Graduate with Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore.

[Jason Bortz]

Cool Hand Luke with Ben Affleck in the title role, Michael Chiklis as Dragline, and Rutger Hauer as the Captain.

Bonnie and Clyde, with Johnny Knoxville and Christina Aguilera.





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Edited by Jason Bortz, 24 October 2005 - 03:49 PM.

[Jason Bortz]

Agnes of God: With Lindsay Lohan as Agnes, Jennifer Lopez as Dr. Martha Livingstone, and Madonna as Mother Miriam Ruth.

Citizen Kane, with Jack Black as Charles Foster Kane.

[SZPT]

IOW, you don't get shivers down your spine shooting fish in a barrel with examples like ... Spartacus with The Rock.

I dunno... that is conceivable, and it gives me the shivers.

[Clint M]

The Warriors as directed by Tony Scott... that's actually happening.

Patton with Keanu Reeves in the title role.

Edited by Clint M, 24 October 2005 - 04:51 PM.

[SDG]

: Charade with... Harrison Ford and Jessica Alba?

What, Mark Wahlberg and Thandie Newton weren't bad enough for you? 

Zing! You got me. I forgot that one (actually, I haven't seen it).

The Graduate with Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore. 

So far I think Crow is winning....

[Jeff]

Citizen Kane, with Jack Black as Charles Foster Kane.

Whoa! I was just about to post the very same idea, until I saw that you had already done so. That's just uncanny!

I can think of a few more, though...

-Casablanca with Brendan Fraser and Gwyneth Paltrow

-Nosferatu with Stuart Townsend

-White Christmas with Owen Wilson and Ben Stiller as Wallace and Davis, and Brittany Murphy and Kirsten Dunst as the sisters

I pray that none of these ever come to fruition.

[Mark]

The Graduate with Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore. 

Not a film, but there was the stage version a few years ago with Kathleen Turner and the kid from American Pie ... that's bad, but yeah, Ashton and Demi beats that.

We did an exercise like this in a film class in college, where we had to imagine classic foreign films as Hollywood productions. In some ways, that's more plausible than a classic like Wizard of Oz getting the remake treatment, because so much of mainstream America is completely unfamiliar with the original (like Ikiru).

How about:

The Seventh Seal, with Matt Damon and Ben Affleck in that fateful chess game.

The Bicycle Thief, with Sean Penn (everyone's favorite out-of-work rage-a-holic! "Is that MY bicycle in there??") and, in a character sex change, Dakota Fanning as his precocious daughter.

The Three Colors Trilogy -
Blue, starring Julia Roberts.
White, with Taye Diggs and Tara Reid.
Red, with Eva Longoria and William Shatner.

[Cunningham]

Stalker staring Keanu Reeves

Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind by Fox Animation Studios

[SZPT]

Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind by Fox Animation Studios

Alright, now that's stepping over the line! That's just plain wrong!

[Cunningham]

Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind by Fox Animation Studios

Alright, now that's stepping over the line! That's just plain wrong!

Staring Jessica Simpson as the voice of Nausicaa

[SZPT]

Staring Jessica Simpson as the voice of Nausicaa 

You're evil.

[Cunningham]

Le Fils remade by Michael Bay... but it would have to be a 15 minute short

[David Smedberg]

Oooh! Cleopatra, starring Angelie Jolie. I can just see some exec falling for that.

[Peter T Chattaway]

GreetingsEarthling wrote:
: Oooh! Cleopatra, starring Angelie Jolie. I can just see some exec falling for that.

Hmmm. I'm not sure if the disaster that was Alexander (a remake, one could say, of an old 1950s Richard Burton film; and Burton was, of course, in the 1960s version of Cleopatra), in which Jolie herself was one of the more embarrassing elements, would make this more likely, or less likely.

[David Smedberg]

GreetingsEarthling wrote:
: Oooh! Cleopatra, starring Angelie Jolie. I can just see some exec falling for that.

Hmmm.  I'm not sure if the disaster that was Alexander (a remake, one could say, of an old 1950s Richard Burton film; and Burton was, of course, in the 1960s version of Cleopatra), in which Jolie herself was one of the more embarrassing elements, would make this more likely, or less likely. 

Me neither. Haven't seen Alexander, but I certianly have seen the abysmal box office numbers . . .