SDG

Things kids say

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Not really anything Dominic (4) said, but more about what he did. Yesterday, he refused to leave the house and for the channel to be changed. On TV, "In Harm's Way", the 1965 John Wayne Pacific War effort. His first John Wayne and his first B&W. He watched from start to finish. Then played battleships with the christmas boxes. What a kid.

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Boy, have I got a couple of doozies.

Four-year-old Elise, lone sister of four brothers in a family at our church, is sitting on the potty. Looking between her legs, she announces with satisfaction: "Well, I think my penis is coming along nicely."

-------

On a related note, six-year-old Anna, watching me sit three-year-old Nathan on the potty, asks the obvious question: "Why do boys have penises and girls don't?"

"God made girls' bodies and boys' bodies different from each other," I start to answer, whereupon she interrupts, "And why did God make boys' bodies with so much extra spit?"

-------

Next: The wrong Nathan.

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Mom was in the bathroom cleaning, apparently making a lot of noise.

Bella (3 y.o.): Mom! The whole wide world is annoyed by you!

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Mom was in the bathroom cleaning, apparently making a lot of noise.

Bella (3 y.o.): Mom! The whole wide world is annoyed by you!

That's great.

Here's The Wrong Nathan. (Nathan is also 3.) Bear in mind, Nathan has never before come up with anything even close to this.

Suz to Nathan (scolding him for roughhousing with his baby sister): "Nathan, you must be gentle with your baby sister, you must protect her and not be too rough with her!"

Nathan (exasperated, with hectoring-questioning tone, as if pointing out the obvious fallacy in Mama's thinking): "Mama, you bought the wrong Nathan...? I belong in a different world."

Suz: "Oh, really? Where do you belong, then?"

Nathan (in same tone): "Back at the store...?"

Suz: "But wouldn't you be lonely without the brothers?"

Nathan (considering): "David could come with me."

James (anxious not to be overlooked): "What about me?!"

Nathan: "James can come too."

Suz: "What if people bought you at the store and they were mean to you?"

Nathan: "I would come back home from the store."

Suz: "How would you get out of the store?"

Nathan: "I would bring my key!"

Suz: "Oh, your key. But you wouldn't know the way home."

Nathan: "I would make a right and a left!"

Suz: "And how would you get all the way home?"

Nathan: "I would bring my balloon and fly home!"

Suz: "But what about the other Nathan I got from the store?"

Nathan (pleased): "Then there would be two Nathans!"

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Two Nathans might just be too much hilarity... :lol:

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Mom was in the bathroom cleaning, apparently making a lot of noise.

Bella (3 y.o.): Mom! The whole wide world is annoyed by you!

That's great.

Here's The Wrong Nathan. (Nathan is also 3.) Bear in mind, Nathan has never before come up with anything even close to this.

...

There's a good children's book here!

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Nathan (pleased): "Then there would be two Nathans!"

This sounds like something from the patriarch stories in Genesis.

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Some real doozies this weekend:

After hearing me say that I don't accept all friend invites on Facebook:

"But Dad, you have to have some friends."

And after hearing me say we were having lunch out:

"But Dad, we have plenty to eat right here in the house."

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We have a toy pengiun that my 7 month old son plays with. It's a little over a foot tall and it is basically a big Weeble - of the "Weebles wobble but they don't fall down" fame. It makes happy noises (laughing and the like) when it gets bumped, pushed, hit, etc... My 5 year old son Ethan was playing with it one day to entertain his little brother when he said,

"Mommy, when you hit this penguin it laughs. But when you hit a real penguin it says 'ouch.'"

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We have a toy pengiun that my 7 month old son plays with. It's a little over a foot tall and it is basically a big Weeble - of the "Weebles wobble but they don't fall down" fame. It makes happy noises (laughing and the like) when it gets bumped, pushed, hit, etc... My 5 year old son Ethan was playing with it one day to entertain his little brother when he said,

"Mommy, when you hit this penguin it laughs. But when you hit a real penguin it says 'ouch.'"

That's great. The kid's empathy level exceeds the level encouraged by the toy. Sounds like he's a good big brother, too.

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My nephew - Thomas Elliot (4 years old) - is a funny kid. There is no other way of putting it. Here are a couple of recent examples of his unique imagination and way of thinking:

My niece - Elliot's sister Caia - was talking to her parents about The Fall of Man. (She is 7 years old.) She said, "I wish that Adam and Eve had not sinned because then the world would be perfect, people wouldn't suffer, and we would all live forever in happiness." Her parents thought that was an interesting observation from someone that young and were discussing these ideas with her when Elliot decided to participate. He solemnly contributed, "I wish I could meet the real Tom and Jerry" from the classic cartoons. So, while his sister was concerned about matters of theology and original sin, Elliot was concerned about meeting "the REAL" Tom and Jerry. Is there a fraudulent comedy duo calling themselves Tom and Jerry running around these days that I am unaware of?

Second story: Elliot has trouble sleeping and he is very good at finding excuses to stay awake. One night his dad was telling him that he could count sheep and that might help. His dad said, "Just pretend that there are sheep jumping over your head as you are in bed and count them as they go by." Elliot seemed to like this plan and he was quiet the rest of the night. The next night - very late - Elliot yells out "Dad! Dad! Come here!" His dad goes running to his room to find out what is wrong. When he gets there Elliot informs him "I was counting sheep and one of them passed gas when he jumped over my head!"

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So, while his sister was concerned about matters of theology and original sin, Elliot was concerned about meeting "the REAL" Tom and Jerry. Is there a fraudulent comedy duo calling themselves Tom and Jerry running around these days that I am unaware of?

Yes.

The juxtaposition is hilarious. (Not real T&J vs. fake T&J, A&E vs. T&J. I'm reminded of an earlier post of mine in which a similar juxtaposition was proposed, but only one kid was involved.)

Edited by SDG

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Those are hysterical, Phill. You should send them into Reader's Digest and make some money.

Monday night at the dinner table:

Me: "Wife, are you going to watch that stupid Bachelor show tonight?"

Wife: "Yes I am."

3 Year Old Daughter: Sigh. "She is never going to change."

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tom_and_jerry.jpg

These guys also went around calling themselves Tom and Jerry in the '50's. Fortunately, in the '60's, they decided to go by their real names... Simon and Garfunkel.

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Me: "One of the reasons that eggs are a symbol of Easter is ..."

James (9): "Because bunnies multiply so quickly?"

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Last week Virginia went to see our supremely friendly and personable pediatrician to be treated for strep throat. He's making conversation with Ali about the adjustments we've made with our fourth baby arriving, and the doc says to Virginia, "Being a mom is a happy job." Virginia replies, deadpan and apropos of nothing, "It's not such a happy job if you're a mother whose son is killed in a war." Ali's friendly smile becomes frozen on her face and the air of light conversation escapes from the room as from a punctured balloon.

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?

Are you using Sokurov to put your children to sleep or something?

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Dunno if anyone else noticed, but apparently earlier this month President Obama mispronounced the word "emancipation" as "epancipation," I think not once but twice, at a commencement speech at Hampton University.

Suz and the kids happened to see it on TV. Sarah (15), an inveterate proof-reader and error checker, burst out laughing and immediately blurted, "Epantsipation: Freedom from pants!"

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?

Are you using Sokurov to put your children to sleep or something?

No, though I was holding our two month-old last night while watching THE BROOD.

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Pfft. William (3.2 months) and I watched Executive Decision last night.

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Pfft. William (3.2 months) and I watched Executive Decision last night.

These comments are so heartening to read. I caught no end of grief for watching the likes of The Godfather and The Deerhunter while my infant/toddler kids sat placidly by my side. Train up a child in the way he should go, and all that.

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The Deerhunter

Oh, that's all I need. My toddler running around the house exclaiming: "This is this."

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The Deerhunter

Oh, that's all I need. My toddler running around the house exclaiming: "This is this."

That, or asking you to pass the mustard when you give them a twinkie.

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Apparently my four-year-old daughter was recently informed that, in order to get what she wanted, her two-year-old brother would have to give his approval.

So, my wife asked the boy if he wanted what the girl wanted.

"No," said the boy.

"He said no," said my wife.

The girl, undeterred, replied: "He said yes. He's being funny."

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been meaning to post this one from Nina (3) for a while.

Whilst listening to "You are my Sunshine" (from O Brother)

"Am I your daughter-shine?"

Matt

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