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du Garbandier

The Winter Olympics: Proposed Events

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Should anyone at the International Olympic Committee happen to read this board (seems pretty likely), here are some events I would like to see in future Winter Games:

  • Luge moguls
  • Mogul moguls (involving say Donald Trump ((note to self: stop procrastinating and finally patent magnate magnet)))
  • Cross-country luge
  • Cross-country figure skating
  • Figure skating (hounds and terriers only)
  • Downhill curling
  • Giant Shalom
  • Figure curling
  • Curlsled
  • 1000m figure skating
  • Halfpipe curling
  • Four man halfpipe figure skating relay
  • Nordic Track combined (30min treadmill + watching Olympic curling on TV)
  • 1000m short track speed skating (butterfly, breaststroke)
  • Zero-athlon
  • Snow Day combined (building a snowman + shoveling drive)
  • Curl jumping
  • Interpretive bobsled

Edited by du Garbandier

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Crow   

Dobsled (combination of bobsled and dogsled)

Really short-track speedskating (racers just spin in circles)

Synchronized snowboarding

Edited by Crow

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I wrote:

: : Rhythmic Curling.

:

: Okay, I'm officially aroused now.

And that was before I came across THIS newspaper article:

- - -

What’s hotter than a woman yelling ‘harder?’

Harder,” she said. “Hard, hard!” No, honestly, she did.

It was only midafternoon too. And it went on for hours. A fella could go weak at the knees. Women’s curling, my friends – sexiest thing at the Olympics. You can have your Lindsey Vonn, ouchy-shin and all. You can have your Tanith Belbin. (American. Ice dancing. Don’t get me started.) Check out the women’s curling. Tuesday’s Canada-Switzerland matchup was thrilling. A tense, tricky 5-4 victory for Canada.

As I write this, Cheryl Bernard and her dead-cool Canadian team are doing battle with the supersmooth, just-watch-me ladies of Japan. Women’s curling is the business. Watch it and you’ll enjoy a multitude of fine women shouting, “Harder!” and in a variety of languages too. . . .

John Doyle, Globe and Mail, February 18

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opus   

Snowball Biathlon

Pairs Figure Ski Jumping

Edited by opus

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Pairs Figure Ski Jumping

Oh PLEASE NO! This has just enough plausibility to sound legit. Remember, The IOC already has two guys diving together in the Summer Olympics.

If I may suggest something diabolical, shorttrack indoor skeleton simultaneous to ice dancing.

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Tyler   

The Triathlon (2 Two-person teams ride down parallel ski jump ramps in bobsleds. One of the team members drives the sled, the second shoots paintballs at the other team. Winners are judged based on a combination of distance traveled in the jump and the number of hits on the opponent's bobsled.)

And yes, I know triathlon is already a real thing. "Two-man parallel bobsled-jump with paintballs" sounded like too long of a name.

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Four years gone by, another Winter Olympics arriving, and still no traction for my Interpretive Curling or Cross Country Figure Skating proposals. This is my greatest source of bitterness.

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