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du Garbandier

The Winter Olympics: Proposed Events

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Should anyone at the International Olympic Committee happen to read this board (seems pretty likely), here are some events I would like to see in future Winter Games:

  • Luge moguls
  • Mogul moguls (involving say Donald Trump ((note to self: stop procrastinating and finally patent magnate magnet)))
  • Cross-country luge
  • Cross-country figure skating
  • Figure skating (hounds and terriers only)
  • Downhill curling
  • Giant Shalom
  • Figure curling
  • Curlsled
  • 1000m figure skating
  • Halfpipe curling
  • Four man halfpipe figure skating relay
  • Nordic Track combined (30min treadmill + watching Olympic curling on TV)
  • 1000m short track speed skating (butterfly, breaststroke)
  • Zero-athlon
  • Snow Day combined (building a snowman + shoveling drive)
  • Curl jumping
  • Interpretive bobsled

Edited by du Garbandier

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Zero-athlon

Buddhists could win this. But then they would probably deny the existence of the medal they have won.


"...the vivid crossing of borders between film and theology may save the film from the banality of cinema and festival business, and it may also save the church from the deep sleep of the habitual and the always known."

(Hans Werner Dannowski)

Filmwell | Twitter

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Rhythmic Curling.


Formerly Baal_T'shuvah

"Everyone has the right to make an ass out of themselves. You just can't let the world judge you too much." - Maude 
Harold and Maude
 

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Dobsled (combination of bobsled and dogsled)

Really short-track speedskating (racers just spin in circles)

Synchronized snowboarding

Edited by Crow

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: Rhythmic Curling.

Okay, I'm officially aroused now.


"Sympathy must precede belligerence. First I must understand the other, as it were, from the inside; then I can critique it from the outside. So many people skip right to the latter." -- Steven D. Greydanus
Now blogging at Patheos.com. I can also still be found at Facebook, Twitter and Flickr. See also my film journal.

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I wrote:

: : Rhythmic Curling.

:

: Okay, I'm officially aroused now.

And that was before I came across THIS newspaper article:

- - -

What’s hotter than a woman yelling ‘harder?’

Harder,” she said. “Hard, hard!” No, honestly, she did.

It was only midafternoon too. And it went on for hours. A fella could go weak at the knees. Women’s curling, my friends – sexiest thing at the Olympics. You can have your Lindsey Vonn, ouchy-shin and all. You can have your Tanith Belbin. (American. Ice dancing. Don’t get me started.) Check out the women’s curling. Tuesday’s Canada-Switzerland matchup was thrilling. A tense, tricky 5-4 victory for Canada.

As I write this, Cheryl Bernard and her dead-cool Canadian team are doing battle with the supersmooth, just-watch-me ladies of Japan. Women’s curling is the business. Watch it and you’ll enjoy a multitude of fine women shouting, “Harder!” and in a variety of languages too. . . .

John Doyle, Globe and Mail, February 18


"Sympathy must precede belligerence. First I must understand the other, as it were, from the inside; then I can critique it from the outside. So many people skip right to the latter." -- Steven D. Greydanus
Now blogging at Patheos.com. I can also still be found at Facebook, Twitter and Flickr. See also my film journal.

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Snowball Biathlon

Pairs Figure Ski Jumping

Edited by opus

"I feel a nostalgia for an age yet to come..."
Opus, Twitter, Facebook

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Metal Pole Licking


"...the vivid crossing of borders between film and theology may save the film from the banality of cinema and festival business, and it may also save the church from the deep sleep of the habitual and the always known."

(Hans Werner Dannowski)

Filmwell | Twitter

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Pairs Figure Ski Jumping

Oh PLEASE NO! This has just enough plausibility to sound legit. Remember, The IOC already has two guys diving together in the Summer Olympics.

If I may suggest something diabolical, shorttrack indoor skeleton simultaneous to ice dancing.


"During the contest trial, the Coleman team presented evidence of a further 6500 absentees that it felt deserved to be included under the process that had produced the prior 933 [submitted by Franken, rk]. The three judges finally defined what constituted a 'legal' absentee ballot. Countable ballots, for instance, had to contain the signature of the voter, complete registration information, and proper witness credentials.

But the panel only applied the standards going forward, severely reducing the universe of additional basentees the Coleman team could hope to have included. In the end, the three judges allowed about 350 additional absentees to be counted. The panel also did nothing about the hundreds, possibly thousands, of absentees that have already been legally included, yet are now 'illegal' according to the panel's own ex-post definition."

The Wall Street Journal editorial, April 18, 2009 concerning the Franken Coleman decision in the Minnesota U.S. Senate race of 2008.

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The Triathlon (2 Two-person teams ride down parallel ski jump ramps in bobsleds. One of the team members drives the sled, the second shoots paintballs at the other team. Winners are judged based on a combination of distance traveled in the jump and the number of hits on the opponent's bobsled.)

And yes, I know triathlon is already a real thing. "Two-man parallel bobsled-jump with paintballs" sounded like too long of a name.


It's the side effects that save us.
--The National, "Graceless"
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