Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
Guest

Spanking / Smacking

Recommended Posts

Wow. Good topic. We spank our two-year-old son, following the kinds of guidelines laid down in (the excellent, though at times vague) Shepherding a Child's Heart and others.

I agree with SaCH that it is important in spanking a child NEVER to do so when angry. Better to miss a chance for discipline than to abuse your authority. That said, discipline is the name of the game. Teaching, instruction, shepherding. We make sure that Timothy knows that we are spanking him because of his disobedience, that his disobedience hurts his relationship with God, that God has given him parents to teach him how to obey God, and that Jesus' death allows us to be forgiven for our disobedience. It's all about instruction.

And frankly, we are learning a lot through the process, too. We came to spanking after trying time-outs and distraction and a whole host of other techniques (which we still use from time to time for instances where he is not being disobedient). Nothing was working. He was unable to gain self-control through those methods. Spanking clears his mind of the raging emotions that are making it hard for him to obey. We have seen him gain a huge degree of self-control (comparatively) in a relatively short period of time.

We never spank him publicly, though, or discuss spanking in a public place. This society is rampantly litigious and is moving towards a criminalization of spanking. We are praying that Timothy is a teenager before that happens. But if not, we will probably become criminals.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Wow. Just read the linked article. Unusally filled with common sense, that one.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I have no one to spank, myself, but I wrote an article here about the subject when it became a point of some controversy here in Canada.

My own take on the subject, at the moment, goes something like this:

Physical discipline must be seen within a broader context, i.e. children must KNOW why they are being spanked, and they must know that the spanking is NOT a spur-of-the-moment outburst of violence on the parents' part. A friend of mine tells me that he always, and only, spanks his daughters when he has told them he will spank them for disobeying him, and then they go ahead and disobey him; he tells me that, when he spanks them, he tells them that Daddy keeps his promises, and he tells me that it's very important for them to see him keeping his promises in OTHER areas, too.

Physical discipline must not involve any props -- no sticks, no rods, no switches, etc. The parent's hand must make direct contact with the person being disciplined, otherwise the parent will not be able to gauge the physical intensity of the spanking.

Um, those are the only two basic principles I have come to, so far, I think.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

We haven't yet spanked our 22-month-old, but neither me nor my wife are opposed to spanking. We'll start at some point in the next year, I'm sure.

However, sad to say that the idea that you should never spank in anger has never struck me as particularly workable. Being dispassionate when you get frustrated with your children's misbehavior is a nice goal, and I'll try to achieve it. But I don't think I will achieve it, to be honest. Certainly not on a regular basis.

Hoo boy. I'm gonna regret posting this one, aren't I?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Talking to my parents about this recently and they had an interesting take on it. When they were bringing us (well lets just start with me) up they never particularly intended to smack me, but they basically seemed to be saying that occasionally I was so damn annoying that they lost it temporarily and did smack me. To them it was never something they intended or wanted to do, but in the heat of the moment they did (I can only remember two occasions neither of which I hold a grudge or anything for - I'm sure there were more).

I think the point they were trying to get across is that parents we some aspire never to amack our children, but as society recognise that it will occasionally happen, and gain a better understanding of forgiveness and stop trying to put up such high moral walls that everyone carries condemnation. And children should know that there parents are imperfect as well and be educated in what forgiveness is all about (This isn't saying by the way that parents should hit their kids to educate them about forgiveness)

I'm still working this one through. I guess I don't like the thought of using violence. Violence breeds violence etc. And I suppose that I don't see the benefit of applying it in a cool calm detached manner. If you're cool and calm enough to do it what's wrong with sending them to bed early or confiscating toys? (Ha! this is all spoken as an idealistic platitude rather than the distinctly different reality of having to deal with actual kids driving you cray with their disobedience - so please parents who smack don't think I'm judging here - I'm really not - I'm just thinking out loud).

I suppose my biggest worry is spawning either a brat, or damaging my child, and perpetuating the myth that violence solves things. Somehow something in what my parents said respnated with me, although how you live by that I don't know. Sounds like an awful lot of slippery slope territory really.

Dunno

Matt

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Christian wrote:

: However, sad to say that the idea that you should never spank in anger has

: never struck me as particularly workable.

I don't think there is necessarily a problem with spanking WHILE you are angry -- it is spanking BECAUSE you are angry that is a problem.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
I'm still working this one through. I guess I don't like the thought of using violence. Violence breeds violence etc. And I suppose that I don't see the benefit of applying it in a cool calm detached manner. If you're cool and calm enough to do it what's wrong with sending them to bed early or confiscating toys? (Ha! this is all spoken as an idealistic platitude rather than the distinctly different reality of having to deal with actual kids driving you cray with their disobedience - so please parents who smack don't think I'm judging here - I'm really not - I'm just thinking out loud).

Because time-outs don't always work. I'm one who also doesn't have children, btw, but I have a lot of friends who do and I'm around them quite a bit and have observed a lot.

Time-outs never disciplined my brother--he just did his time, then he did as he pleased. Spanking worked on him. Spanking never worked on me (don't know why). Disappointing my mother did. Different methods work on different kids.

Also, nowadays if you send kids to their room, make sure you confiscate their TV, DVD, VCR, playstation, stereo, and headset.

Okay, that last paragraph was snarky, but just a little.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
God help me if my daughter ever has a TV in her room. sad.gif

Amen, brother. Sarah and I don't even have one in our room.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Sign in to follow this  

×
×
  • Create New...